Negotiating a conflict or differences

Young Couple Seated Back To Back


  1. It is absolutely necessary for both parties involved to primarily agree to be “reasonable” before they begin any discussions. You can only reason with reasonable people. Talking to unreasonable people if a futile effort because every possible solution will always be argued with an unreasonable argument.
  2. It is imperative for both parties to clearly understand what they need versus what they want. It is also equally important to truly understand the difference. Because any negotiation will require one to make concessions of their wants and at times some of their needs.
  3. It is easier to come to any understanding if the objective to discussing an issue is always kept in focus. If all discussions are aligned towards attaining the objective, then reason would give way to making some necessary sacrifices.
  4. No “negotiations” can be fulfilled when the personalities involved are clouded by pride, arrogance and anger. These three elements will always keep the ability to discuss outside and choose argumentative dialogues that prick egos instead. The only result of this equation is more rage and disagreement.
  5. Every successful negotiation is supported by educated opinions and unbiased beliefs. This gives the ability to take a broader perspective of the issue on hand. This also enables the individual not to mirror the other persons behavior, but to deflect it with an opposing behavior patterns. ie. speaking calmly while the other raises the voice. This also gives better control of the situation.
  6. Often many conflicts are backed by instigators and supporters. It is imperative to identify the difference. Next it is even more important to apply your own reasoning, thinking and beliefs as opposed to applying your supporter’s opinions and ideas. The reason for this is however balanced your supporters may seem, they are often fundamentally biased and in your favor. That is why they are “Your” supporters. If they were neutral and unbiased they wouldn’t support either. Further, only you and your conscience will know the truth as opposed to anyone outside the two individuals who are in disagreement.
  7. Concessions being made to benefit the greater cause is an absolute essential element to any agreement. It is not easy to let go of anything you believe you desire. But with little self-introspection and reflecting upon the greater cause, one always can find ways to diminish the value of what they so dearly hold on to and let go.
  8. A person of pride and arrogance sees making compromises as a defeat. A person of humility and wisdom sees it as an essential adjustment for the benefit of the objective on hand.
  9. A smart person understands the difference between battles and wars. Because great wars are won by choosing to loose several small battles.
  10. Fact: It doesn’t matter if you the conflict is between two friends, a boss and employee, in marriage between spouses, siblings, two nations, tribes or religions. If one comes to the table with the “Intention” to solve the problem, he or she will always find a way. Only the individuals “intention” has the true power that drives the necessary behaviors such as the ability to reason, think, make concessions, compromise, and discuss as opposed to argue that progresses the negotiation towards an agreement.

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